I recently ran away for the day. I just felt overwhelmed with all the things I had to do and be.
I told my husband that I was going out for the day, I didn’t know where, but that I would be back before dinner. He was quite shocked and so was I. I had never done this before. I never bail on my kids!
This day, however, was different. The overwhelm had become too much to bear.
I got in the car and decided I would head to the ocean. I drove to Mount Maunganui. The sun was shining, it was a beautiful drive and I was all alone. Guilt started to set in. It is usually there, festering away.
Am I a terrible mother? Am I a terrible wife?
Why did I need to escape from my beautiful life?
As I drove I began thinking about why I was so overwhelmed. I thought about the number of labels I am now living with and how it has literally stripped me of my identity.
Who was I anymore? I felt like I was now just various labels; ‘mother’, ‘wife’, ‘hippie’, ‘extremist’, ‘bossy’, ‘controlling’, ‘business owner’, ‘cleaner’, and the list goes on, depending on who you ask and their interpretation of me.
These labels, whether correct or not, have somehow left me feeling as though I was empty. Constantly keeping everyone happy except ME. I dare not keep myself happy as then I would be labelled ‘selfish’, ‘a bad mother’ or worse.
I have been so busy for so long that there is no ME left. I felt at that moment like I was just someone to cater to other people’s needs. If I didn’t do it correctly then what was I … worthless?
I work so hard trying to grow and drive my business, at the same time my children are home-schooled, leaving me no time on my own and having to constantly juggle and swap between tasks.
Yes, I made these decisions, so why complain about them when I am all about gratitude? There it goes, the guilt, feeling like a fraud. I am grateful, most of the time. Most of the time I just keep going, keep trucking on. But this time I just couldn’t.
I was left feeling confused. What is left of me? Who am I?
I need to ditch the labels from society and others and I need to rediscover who I am.
What do I love? What makes me happy? I need to start adding a little more of these things into my life and create my own labels!
Join me and print off this FREE resource – FINDING ME! Use it as a visual reminder of what makes you happy, and what you love, so you don’t lose sight of YOU.DOWNLOAD ‘FINDING ME’ HERE